Behind The Scenes: Episode 2

Step into the captivating world of "Behind The Scenes," a compelling series crafted by the talented Giuliana Mancini. In this immersive exploration, she delves deep into the lives of fellow actors she encounters while navigating the relentless audition circuit. Experience the raw emotions and untold stories of performers as they share their daily tribulations and triumphs in the pursuit of their dreams.

Friday, January 17th. 

It’s freezing outside. 

8:40am. 

I get on the train, heading to Irish Rep. 

I’m interviewing AND auditioning today. 

It’s 23 degrees outside. 

I’m repeating my monologue to myself, constantly, as I nervously tend to do before auditions. This show in particular, Irishtown, requires authentic Irish dialects. As I walk on 22nd street, I can see my breath as I practice the perfect vowel shapes and try to match the patter of my speech to the patter of my feet. 

It’s 9:15am. 

I join the line outside of Irish Rep. 

I don’t have to sign up on the list, because I am in the union & have a pre-registered time slot. 

Often times, for those who may not be aware, at auditions, those who are not in the union, “non-equity”, will put up an un-official list outside of the audition location, before the official audition monitor arrives. 

Sometimes they take the list, sometimes they don’t. Because it’s a crapshoot, that’s why non-eq folks will often get up early on audition days, and wait outside. On a day like today, the elements are brutal. 

It’s the coldest January in 13 years in New York. 

I can’t help but think about the current events of the past week; 

California friends’ posts & news articles I’ve seen. People losing their homes. Fire engulfed the lives of people on one coast. And on the other, it feels like we’re actually freezing over. 

We could be anywhere but here on a Friday morning, and yet, this is where we are. 

I’m looking for the right person to approach. 

I, like last time, am nervous again.  

Truthfully, I’ve attempted to attend auditions for interviews, or tried to interview friends at auditions that haven’t panned out exactly the way I’ve wanted. 

Trying to connect with others, especially before I’ve finished my first cup of coffee in the morning, feels like a behemoth of a task.

Have I come too early? Is everyone looking at me weird? Is my foundation rubbing off on my coat? 

And finally, I see a dark curly head of hair that seems to glow. 

I can’t even see her face, but I gravitate towards her. 

She has an aura that feels like a wood burning stove, & on a day that’s this frigid, you can’t help but move towards her. I introduce myself, & we begin our interview. 

G: Testing, 1,2,3, perfect. If you just want to say your name… pronouns, where you’re from. 

Any fun facts about yourself. 

D: Cool. Oh my gosh. Pressure. My name’s Dani, or Danielle Connor. Whichever one you prefer, depends on the day. She, her, hers are my pronouns. I’m from Ireland, so that’s a big reason why I’m coming here to audition for Irishtown

G: What county, what town, come on. 

D: Oh my goodness, all the details! So, I’m from Dublin. It’s this little town called Blackrock. It’s really close, right by the water and everything. I was actually just home for the holidays, too, so I’m just back last week. Back into the cold. Back into the job 

G: I love that. That’s stunning. How long have you been in New York for?

D: I’ve been here for three years now. I graduated from my undergrad back home, and then moved here to study acting, like most people in New York 

G: Wow. 

D: Yeah, I’m lucky though, I’m a dual citizen. My mom’s American. So, that has made life… SO much easier. Yeah, no visa processes, thankfully, so that’s one little thing I don’t have to worry about. 

G: Thank god. 

D: I know. 

G: We’re so happy to have you. 

D: Thank you! 

G: How long have you been auditioning for? 

D: Pretty much since I graduated. So I graduated about a year ago. I went to Stella Adler & they were big on sort of like, “Don’t audition while you’re here. This is your time to fail, and fail better” and all that sort of stuff. So, I focused on that while I was there until I got out. & I’ve been auditioning ever since. & I’ve been working pretty well, which is good. 

G: Hell Fucking Yeah. 

D: Yeah, it’s been good! But the Irish Rep is like, I mean, it’s always been a dream. It’s kind of, basically, Ireland in America, which is why I’m here, so it just, it works.

G: Hell Fucking Yeah. You can curse, by the way. 

D: Oh good!! 

We belly laugh on the street, a welcome reprieve from the harsh reality of the climate. 

D: You never know with these things. But you’re telling an Irishman to curse, so don’t you worry. We’ll be effin’ & blimin’ the whole way. 

G: Perfect. I love it I love it. One of my favorite questions to ask, well, it’s a dual question, is what’s the best part of all of this and what’s the hardest part? 

D: Ya, that’s a good question. 

G: And you can take your time. Big thoughts. 

D: I feel like they almost go hand in hand a little bit. Like, I’m starting to love the uncertainty of this. I also hate it at the same time, if that makes any sense. The best thing about it is like, I wouldn’t be doing this if there was anything else that filled me with this type of joy and fulfillment, you know what I mean?

G: Ya, I Do Know What You Mean 

D: Like, we’re not standing out in the freezing cold, on a Friday morning, just for the fun of it, you know? 

G: Totally. 

D: So I think that uncertainty and not knowing where the day is going to take you has been a lot of fun, and being comfortable with the uncomfortable. I’m a bit of a perfectionist, and starting to learn that life’s not perfect, so why should we be trying to be perfect when we act, at the same time, d’ya know? And meeting people, like it’s so cool, and in New York City as well. I’ve been so lucky to meet people from all over the world & learn through them, which has been amazing. 

I mean the hardest part is also the uncertainty. D’ya know what I mean? We were talking about this the other day, I live with three of my closest friends, & three of us are all actors, & obviously we have these deep, in depth conversations. And a big one is, you finish a gig, and unlike any other career or job, you’re back to starting from zero. And that’s hard. Even taking a break from things, you can be like, “Fuck, what am I missing?” You feel like you constantly need to be going. But, trying to reckon with the fact that you also need to be living your life. Because, that’s what we’re doing, we’re emulating life, so you’ve got to live it. 

G: Very Stella Adler of you. 

D: YES! 

G: Veeeeeeeeeery Stella Adler of you. 

D: I learned from the best! 

G: No, but it’s so true. Because, I feel like I get the question, “Well, what’s next?” all the time. And I’m like…

D: Fuck knows. Fuck knows! And sometimes that can be a freeing phrase and sentiment as well!

G: But sometimes it’s like, really terrifying & youre like kgvoijaaoawnoigao.

D: Totally! 

G: Who are you when you’re not acting, or working? What do you like outside of this?

D: oooo.  I feel like, in another life, or in this life as well, I just want to be that person, living in a cottage in the woods, with like, a moving body of water close to me, just like growing shit and reading my books, and baking fresh made bread every day. Like, if you have that image in your mind, which is interesting because I live in New York City.

G: You are also Irish! 

D: I’m Irish! That’s the thing! It’s like, how do these all work together? But somehow… Yeah, I think I really love to learn. I love like, trying new shit, and realizing I can do stuff that I never thought I’d be able to do. Like, I’m slowly but surely getting rid of my gym anxiety and that’s been a lot of fun. Cause, I wanna look like, my dream is Linda Hamilton in Terminator. When she does the pull ups in the beginning of the movie, that’s my dream. That’s what I want to be in my life. 

G: I love that. 

D: So I’m starting to gain that confidence and shit, and try new stuff, and I also love to read. 

G: Can you tell us what you’re reading today? 

D: So this is called Blue Sisters. 

She reveals the baby blue cover that she’s been clutching onto this whole time. 

G: Oh my gosh. 

D: It’s by Coco Mellors. I read her other book, Frankenstein and Cleopatra, & it was so good. My best friend Ellie, back home, told me to read this. 

G: Shoutout Ellie. 

D: Shoutout Ellie. I started this morning. And no spoilers, because this is the first page, but, it’s about sisters and one of them has died. 

I gasp. 

D: So I texted her and was like, “what have you begun? what have you started? am i gonna be crying on the subway later on today?” 

G: craaaaaaaaaazy.

D: But, so far so good, so if anyone wants a little escapism. ‘Blue Sisters’ by Coco Mellors is a fun one. 

G: I love that. It’s currently so fucking cold, and I think we can go inside. But, before we end, is there any place people can find you? 

D: Honestly, I’m a little bit of a hermit, and my Instagram is full of pictures of my dog. So, not currently. But maybe, hopefully, one day, we’ll be in Irish Rep together, and they see my face there. 

G: Perfect. Thank you so much for your time today. 

D: Yeah, of course. 

G: I have to run my Irish dialect by you. 

D: Of course! 

I enter in the building with Danielle.

As I feel blood returning to my extremities, I turn round the corner and see a familiar head of blonde hair. 

Sophie Kelly-Hedrik, a former classmate of mine. 

She’s cheeky, with a clarity and focus, especially when she’s discussing her work.

I ask to interview her, & she obliges.

G: Can you just say that one more time? 

SKH: I’ve just gotta keep it brief. 

G: No, the part about me being pretty. 

SKH: OH! You’re gorgeous! It’s true! You heard it here first! 

G: Can you just state your name, and your pronouns, please. 

SKH: My name is Sophie Kelly-Hedrik, and my pronouns are she/her/hers.

G: Perfect. And we do know each other, don’t we? 

SKH: Yes, we do know each other. We went to school together.

!!!

G: Um, what time did you get up this morning? 

SKH: Today, I got up at 7:15. 

G: Nice. When did you first decide to become a performer? Like what was that process/decision making like? 

SKH: Like, professionally? 

G: When you in your mind were like, “I’m gonna be that girl. I’m gonna be on stage.”

SKH: Ohhh okay. I was in fourth grade. No, I was in third grade. And I went to see my best friend at the time, who’s name was Sophia. It was Sophie and Sophia, which was cute. 

G: Shoutout.

SKH: She was in a production of Mr. Popper’s Penguins. And she was the smallest penguin. And I remember going to see her, & I was like, that looks so fun. I want to do that. I think that’s what it was, seeing someone I know be on stage.

G: And you were like, “Why not me?” 

SKH: Yeah. 

G: That’s so cool. How long have you been auditioning, professionally? 

SKH: I’ve been auditioning professionally since 2017. 

G: Period. 

SKH: Yes. High School 

G: Good for you. What’s been the most surprising part about the industry that you’ve encountered?

SKH: Well, I think there’s a big misconception that acting is super cutthroat and selfish. And I don’t think that’s true, at all. I think actors try and really lift each other up. And support each other. Like, this is a great example. What you’re doing is a great example of creating space and community and resources. 

G: That’s so nice. 

SKH: And once you get to a certain level and you’re going in for jobs, you’re going against friends, right? 

G: Totally. 

SKH: And you don’t do that because you hate your friends. You love your friends, and you’re all working together, and lifting each other up is one of the best things we can do.

G: Oh my god, you’re so sweetie pie. That was such a good answer, I’m gonna cry. What’s your favorite thing that you’ve seen lately? 

SKH: Oh, well, we’re in the theater. I recently saw my friend Ayanna Berkman, in The Beacon, here at Irish Rep, right on that stage in front of us. So, that was really, really enjoyable. And the second shout out would be I saw a play called Primary Trust at Seattle Rep, which was really good. That was like, the best play I’ve seen in a while. I was sobbing. I think it’s very poignant, a really great play. 

G: How do you approach the craft of acting versus the job of auditioning? And you can take your time on this one, I know it’s a big thinker. 

SKH: I think they’re somewhat similar, right? To audition, is to act, right? I think I have a similar process, & I think it depends on the kind of audition. Theater auditions, like EPA’s for example, you’re often doing monologues you know really well, monologues you’ve done before, right? So that process is a bit shorter, because it’s not something you’re unfamiliar with. As opposed to film, tv, and some theater auditions, where you get sides, for example, that is gonna be a little bit different. I think something I’m focused on right now is being a little bit less precious about auditions, because we do so many auditions that you can’t really nitpick, there’s no time for that and frankly it’s not super healthy. So I think learning when to step away is important and when I’m acting in a show or a prolonged process, I don’t step away when I’m frustrated or want to nitpick, I want to lean in to that. 

G: So wise. Wicked smaht, look at you! Last question; what does living your dream, honestly look like for you?

SKH: That’s such a good question!!! 

G: Thanks ! 

SKH: I think… 

She pauses for a moment, long enough for a technician to punctuate the air with, “Well me f*ckin’ too, Keara”. 

We giggle and she returns to her thoughts. 

SKH: I think it’s about, telling stories. That’s very vague, but, I think that’s really important. Storytelling is like my main drive, so it’s like telling important stories, and working with people you admire are things I go after really hard. And I think, living the dream is like, challenging myself daily. That’s part of living the dream.

G: Wow. 

SKH: It’s like, really working for something. I think it’s also being proud of where you’ve come and what you’ve done, and what you’ve worked through, that’s living the dream. And I think it’s about seeing art. I think that’s a real joy and gift. So being able to do that, more and more, is the dream. 

G: Slay, Sophie Kelly-Hedrik. If folks want to find you in any way shape or form, do you have anything you want to share. 

SKH: Yeah, I mean I have a website. https://www.sophiekelly-hedrick.com/ I also have an instagram @sophiekellyhedrik. I was saying earlier, I don’t have the Instagram app on my phone right now, but I am checking on Safari. So… don’t be afraid. 

G: And that’s bravery. Sophie Kelly-Hendrik, thanks so much for your time.

SKH: Thank you.

Sophie goes into her audition. I check the time. 

It’s 9:58 am. 

“Excuse me? Do you see any headphones?” A sheepish voice asks.

I turn around, and see Lizzy, looking for her headphones in the house seats of the Irish Rep, the actors' makeshift holding room. I immediately get out my phone flashlight, and help her, eventually finding her other headphone. Once finished, I realize she may be a perfect person to talk to. There’s something amiable about her nature; that even if I didn’t just help her, she would be happy to help me.

G: Ok, do you want to just state what your name is, and your pronouns if you feel comfortable. 

L: I’m Lizzy, Lizzy Ryland, and my pronouns are she/her. We’re both in black turtlenecks, we got the memo. 

G: We did, we did! What time did you get up this morning? 

L: I woke up at 7, & I got out of bed at 7:40. 

G: Are you in the union? 

L: No. 

G: So you’re a non-eq king? 

L: Yes. 

G: Love, love, love. How was the process this morning, as a non-union person, compared to other mornings [auditioning as a non-union person]? 

L: I haven’t really done, besides one, trying to go to auditions as a non-union person, so I hedged my bets on a theater company that looked awesome but also doing plays, smaller, rather than doing the Ripley-Grier studio sign-up thing. 

G: Oh my god, so have long have you been professionally auditioning for?

L: That’s a good question. I’ve been doing theater since I was like, baby.

G: Totally. 

L: And I am pursuing a dual career in music, writing for theater, musical theater composition and acting. So I’ve been doing auditions this year and last year.

G: That’s so sick, I love that. New work is one of my favorite things.

L: It’s the best. 

G: I can’t wait to ask you all about this new work. What’s been the most surprising part about the industry that you’ve found?

L: I’m kind of shy. So I get worried about going to a bunch of auditions and getting rejected a lot. But, every time I’ve shot my shot, the success rate has been pretty high for me. So I feel really lifted up and proud of myself for just being brave and I think I overtrain and don’t go out as much. But the industry has felt like if you do the work, it’ll give the love back to you. 

G: That’s gonna make me cry. 

L: We’ll see how this season goes. 

G: We’ll see, but that’s really inspiring though. Can you tell me a little bit about the work that you like to make, in terms of composing?

L: I’m really inspired by Golden Age musical theater. Rodgers & Hammerstein. HammerStein? HammerSteen? Who knows? 

G: Certainly not me. 

My apologies to however many of you are screaming at your phone the correct pronunciation of that gentleman’s name. 

But… we can’t hear you. 

I promise I’ll figure it out soon. <3 

L: There’s a right way to say it, someone out there knows. And Gershwin. Irving Berlin. Those melodies are incredible to me. I have a huge Golden Age influence. Lots of jazz going on. I went to music school for the last two years, jazz studies as my minor.

G: Hell yeah. And where’d you go to school? 

L: I went to USC, in Los Angeles. 

G: Nice, are you originally from LA? 

L: I’m from Colorado. And that’s what my first project is called, Colorado Girl. It’s about when you’re feeling really stuck as an artist, going back home, and reviving the energy and spirit that made you decide to be an artist. 

G: I’m gonna cry! 

L: Also like, I would say a huge reason I want to write is because I want to have fun songs to sing, and I want to give fun songs to sing to my friends. Because if I see another stupid song about a boy, I’m gonna throw up. I don’t care. I ! Don’t ! Care !

G: Yeah. Give queer people beautiful Golden Age songs. Give us something to sing about besides men. 

L: Yeah, and there’s so much out there besides romance. There’s so much more that we go through and struggle with. Everybody. But for me, personally, I want that to be a through line, like how do we find ourselves and what do we go through and struggle with. That’s what I want to see onstage. I love talking about this. I’ll talk about it all day long. 

You’re like, “Can I interview you?” and I’m like “Thought you’d never ask!”

G: Amazing, amazing. What does living your dream, honestly, look like for you? 

L: Honestly, being able to work on my own shit with my friends. 

G: That sounds perfect. 

L: And new friends too. Meeting people along the way that I can really connect with, because it’s hard to connect to people now. Phones, damn phones. Like I just want to be around people all of the time. 

G: Yeah, especially in New York. And maybe I’m alone in this, but I think New York is one of the easiest places to feel really lonely. Because there’s so many people, but you’re in your apartment and you almost feel crammed in, and you don’t want to reach out. It’s so big, and that makes it even more lonely because, you’re like, oh my gosh, there are all of these people and I don’t have anyone to talk to. 

L: FOMO. Extreme Weird FOMO 

G: I think it’s just a difficult part of learning to be an adult, and growing up in New York. Not even growing up, like being born here, but growing into an adult here. Growing into yourself. 

L: That’s another, I guess, lesson, that’s going to be in the musical I’m writing. Ultimately, you do have to go through the journey by yourself and figure out what works for you. It’s kind of lonely, or you can choose for it to be this wonderful experience. But knowing that everybody has to go through it, alone, makes it a little less lonely. Makes sense? 

G: It does. Thank you so much for your time, I really appreciate it. Is there any place folks can find you? 

L: Yeah! I’m gonna be starting a new Instagram soon, with my artsy name, just Lizzy. But, my full name is Lizzy Ryland, Lizzy with a ‘y’, and I’m on Instagram and soon I’m launching a YouTube series, vlogging finishing this musical that I’m writing.

G: So dope. Lizzy, thank you so much for your time, it’s really appreciated. 

L: Thank you!

Realizing I’ve talked to three women around my age, I scanned the house seats to see if there was someone I could talk to a bit different from myself. 

I see Adam. 

Adam’s tall, with a gentleness surrounding him. 

I approach him, and he has a lot of questions for me. 

Which, frankly, I respect. 

As we talk further, I can see his caution subside, and what emerges is a person clearly committed to his craft. 

G: If you could just state your name and pronouns if you’d like, for the class. That’d be great. 

A: Hi, my name is Adam Griffith, and I use he/him pronouns. 

G: Fantastic. What time did you wake up this morning? 

A: Oh, jeez. Not too early. Like… 8:20. 

G: Love that. Did you have a time slot walking today? Are you non-union, EMC, Equity, what’s the deal?

A: I am equity. But I didn’t have a slot. I had seen this audition posting, I don’t know, a couple weeks ago, and it filled up very very quick, so I just figured I could walk in and get an appointment, some time today. 

G: Of course. And how long have you been professionally auditioning for?

A: Oh jeez. It’s gonna give my age away, isn’t it? I’m gonna say… 10 years? 12?

G: Listen, you could be a child actor, I don’t know. 

A: 12. 

G: 12 years. As a child actor. Very impressive. When did you decide that you were going to be a performer? 

A: I think it happened in high school, because I had done school plays in elementary school and middle school. And then I had auditioned for something in high school, freshman year, and didn’t get it, and was like, “That’s okay, I have different interests, I’ll do sports”. And then over the summer between sophomore and junior year, I did a production of Jekyll & Hyde, the musical. 

G: Love. 

A: And you know, you’re like, 16, and you wanna feel and be moody.

G: It’s so moody! 

A: So moody. SO moody. Death and blood and love, right? And so that’s when I was like “Oh, no no no, I’m into this, I want to study this.” 

G: Jekyll & Hyde is such a good answer. You talked about studying, so, how do you approach the studying of your craft versus the job of an audition, for something like today? 

A: I mean God, I could talk about that for hours. Auditioning is a completely different skill. And it took me a long, long time to feel comfortable doing that. The approach is mostly like, getting off book as best you can, as you should be, & then, allow yourself to play and move, because you won’t be able to control how you’re feeling that day. Even if you’ve rehearsed this and this and this, don’t get married to what you rehearsed. Let whatever’s happening in that moment happen. 

And as far as acting in general, I’m like, forever a student. It’s never this or that. This isn’t the one approach for this thing. Ideally, you do a whole bunch of kind of different work, in your time. Don’t get locked into anything; I guess that applies to both.

G: I hear you on that.

I’m reminded of earlier, when Sophie gave a completely different answer This is why I love talking to actors. The destination, usually, is always the same, but the roads we all take to it are incredibly different. 

We can learn so much when we take the time to listen to one another.

G: What’s your favorite thing that you’ve seen lately? Something you’ve seen that you’re like, I’ve got to talk about this. 

A: Oh, jeez. I mean I was in San Francisco for a time, and I saw a production, it was a new work, it was called “My Home on the Moon”, and it really brought me back to like, the theatrics of theater. It wasn’t just a screenplay on stage, you know what I mean? It had that, it had the family element, and normal, everyday circumstances, but then, there was like, dream sequences, and there was a puppet, that was a noodle. It was set in a pho shop. It was lit well, and it was just… kind of magical. 

To go back to the Jekyll & Hyde thing, I feel like, when you’re young, you always want things to be heavy and real and crying and this and this and this, but it’s nice to see things like that play, or even like, Wicked the Movie. Which is so fun. It can be fun, and positive. It doesn’t have to be so doom and gloom, because everything’s so doom and gloom anyway. 

G: Yeah, you don’t have to suffer for your art. Which is… it’s supposed to be fun. 

I’ve been seeing a lot of David Lynch quotes recently, which, RIP to a legend. But so much of what I’ve been seeing from him and his legacy, is how art is supposed to be fun. Like we’re supposed to be doing this because we enjoy it. And even the moments of dark and gloom and whatever can be fun. What is the best part of all of this and the hardest part of all of this?

A: I think it’s the same thing. The variety of the life. You might have this job, or this job. You might be in this city, or this city. And that is so fun. To have that “I don’t know what’s going to happen next!” But you also don’t know what’s going to happen next. So if you’re looking for comfort and consistency, this really isn’t the line of work.  It’s feast and famine, you gotta embrace those changes. We have very high highs and very low lows. And that’s the best and worst thing. 

G: I hear you on that. Thank you so much for your time. I really really appreciate it. Is there any place we can find you, anything you’re working on that you’d like to share with the class? 

A: Sure, my Instagram is @adamlukegriffith

And I’m about to start a new, immersive production with some of my colleagues from Sleep No More. I’m very excited about it, it should be intense and fun and wacky. It’s called Death of Rasputin, by Artemis is Burning. 

G: Thank you again so much for your time. 

It’s 10:50.

My slot isn’t for a while, so I go back to my morning state, practicing the perfect way to say “I”, wishing Danielle was there to run it by her. 

I’m feeling much calmer than I was this morning, and reminded how necessary moments of joy and art and connection are, especially in the devastation of destruction & uncertainty.

It’s a lesson I continue to learn, and muse on, until, finally, my name is called.